sensation

It went down my throat. It felt fucking good. The fumes finally took effect. Their necessary effect. Why do I stick to the sticks? It only complements, it satisfies, completely, wholly when there is a glass in my hand, full of that bourbon and Bacardi. Yet the cigarettes take over my life. The drink encroaches on my life but the smoke asphyxiates me. And guess what? I like it. Hell, I love it.

The concept of being an undergraduate has been exploited. Terribly.

I struggle to understand why I am not yet in love, why no one is in love with me. I tell myself that maybe I am sinking but that is such a fucking cliché. It’s really a lack of opportunity. Or so I tell myself. I don’t believe in a soul mate, which means I believe I can fall in love with anyone, anywhere as long as the circumstances are correct but where is that temporary soul mate of mine? Ah, if only I could answer that. Ah, if only it were that easy.

I speak to random people and sometimes I find them easier to handle than old friends. Old friends mean the best (sometimes) but they can bring you down. Subconsciously, or intentionally, their words can hurt you. It’s all so immature. Every comment, every counter attack is just useless. We must deal with and move on. If there’s anything I have learnt in this world is that things change and so does love. It only evolves into hate.

Even though we don’t know it.