Monday, July 24, 2006

dark chocolate

Having my mum and sister visit me in Singapore was one hell of an experience. Their arrival really did bring back some much needed colour into my life but by the time they left, although exhausted and kinda relieved I would be getting back into routine, I felt a rather deep sadness settle over me. But anyway, some of the highlights of the trip were:

The graduation ceremony itself. There is something quite gratifying about seeing your family so proud of you.

Graduation night dinner. Although quite tired out from the day’s proceedings, we had a good meal at a restaurant in Holland Village. The starters were bloody yum. Go check out Michelangelo’s! After some simple dessert from good ol’ HaƤgen Dazs, mum and sister were ready to retire. So I met up with a friend for drinks. To be dramatic, confronted the pain that had been crippling me the last few days. It felt good but only momentarily. I am glad I did it though coz in my delusional mind I felt I could replace love (infatuation) with appreciation. Boy, I sound creepy when I post stuff like this.

Shopping! I got the privilege of buying myself a wallet, a pair of jeans, tons of new boxers, socks, a pair of trousers, two ties, two shirts, a book shelf, three bottles of perfumes, new curtains, and an iron. All three of us were extremely materialistic over the few days they were here and it was brilliant! Singapore is quite the joyous place when you have the cash. Or maxed out credit cards.

Ordering room service and chilling in the room with them. It was all very comfortable. Almost like being at home, except that our bedrooms and bathrooms at home are not quite as sophisticated. And the people serving you are not annoying women clamouring for the TV remote to watch their favourite Tamil programs.

Going for a movie with my mother and Shashin and Shiny. We watched the Mistress of Spices which was a terrible movie but it was kinda nice to have a low profile night. I did get mistaken for Shashin’s DAD, but that’s something I do not want to dwell over. Anyway, mother dearest was tired after the movie, so we dropped her off and promptly went to Zouk Wine Bar. Had 4 jugs of raspberry vodka with 7-up and staggered back to hotel room quite hammered. Luckily mother dearest was asleep and I used all my skills in stealth to steal into the room unnoticed.

Yep, that’s it! Both of them are back home now and we’ve gone back into our respective routines but the first chance I get to go back home, I will be on that flight!

Oh! I almost forgot! I shifted out to another apartment. It’s located in a nice part of the Central Business District and my new flat mates are Anirudh and Kimberley. It was quite the nightmare to move but I think we have all settled in now. Bathrooms are particularly horrendous though. Ah well, can’t get everything though. Even though nicer bathrooms in a slightly further off location would have been great but who am I to argue? The be all and end all of moving into a new place is that you must have nice bathrooms. That’s a lesson worth learning and mistake not to be repeated.

Anyway about mum sister being here in Singapore….woo hoo!

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

blogging in peace

Feeling angst has become a way of life these days. I think it has directly contributed to why I have not posted anything on this blog for so long. Hopefully, now, since everything is settling down and/or becoming a necessity for me to come to terms with, I can start blogging again in peace.

Lots of stuff has been happening lately but if I don’t first talk about the movies I have watched (and not made a record of) I would feel as if I was betraying someone or something. Myself, perhaps.

Broken Flowers A-
And the Band Played On B+
The Da Vinci Code B-
X-Men: The Last Stand B+ (for special effects)
The Truman Show B+
The Producers B+
V for Vendetta B
Cars A- (for animation)
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest B-
Inside Man C+ (chaiya chaiya my arse)
Take the Lead B- (but only for the dancing)
Mission Impossible III B+
Poseidon D
The Omen C

Now I am too lazy to write anything more. Cheers!

Sunday, July 16, 2006

swirls

Sometimes you take a break from all the chaos and think how on earth you’ve reached a place in your life that is completely devoid of anything of substance. I remind myself (because I am at heart a logical person) that I have family and friends that love me but I always fall back on feeling that I need more. I am guessing this is completely normal and I am not in a special position and should under no circumstance feel like a victim but I do, unfortunately. I wallow in a kind of self-pity that envelopes me, buries me when I am consuming alcohol and fills me with impending dread when I am not.

In situations that do not involve any form of toxic substance, this particular bit of rogue, all encompassing emotion takes hold of me in the strangest of places: at work when I am typing out the nth email of the day, sitting with my mother and friends at Subway, going up to receive my certificate at my Commencement ceremony etc. I don’t know why it always feels like I’ve been hit by an anvil (luminary of comic iconography) because I would rather not feel like breaking out into tears wherever I go. I think if I was really meant to be unhappy, then a constant sense of unhappiness would be sufficient and quite welcome, thank you very much.

What is the point of crying out for help when you know that you can’t be helped/saved? We need to cry out once in a while because it wipes you a clean slate but then again, it all gets dirty again pretty quickly.