little capsules of life

Back in Singapore! I’m happy to be back. Some tiny bit of me misses Colombo but not all that much. I feel a kind of apathy which I felt all through my holidays. I thought getting away from home and family would put me into a better mood but it hasn’t happened. Which means what? My home and family were not to blame in the first place.

It’s just me.

I feel very out of place, like Singapore doesn’t give me the sanctuary I was craving for. Well hopefully this feeling will pass and I shall be happy again. There is nothing in particular that depresses me at the moment but neither is there anything that excites me. I don’t feel like going clubbing (I did for a bit but that desire wore off pretty soon), no mood to watch loads of movies or TV (watching Lost and Six Feet Under, but not getting addicted to it), smoking too much (a legacy of hanging with perpetual smokers back home, not blaming them, coz I lurve them) and sleep always seems like the best option these days. So yeah, fuck it, it will pass. I know it will.

Optimism at its best, wouldn’t you say?

I have a roommate! It’s not as bad as I thought it would be. In fact, its NOT bad at all. He’s a very quiet guy very much into his rock music and who keeps to himself. Being a verbose kind of guy I have to pull him into mundane bits of conversation which include asking him which kid he thinks is sweetest in the photograph of baby cousins and then tricking him into believing that one of them is mine. Haha. I swear the look he had on his face was pure hilarity. I make all this up coz except for a moment of confusion it was very unlikely that he believed me. See, what boring topics I have to talk about? Anyway, he is Indian but has been staying in Mauritius for some time. Oh yeah and his name is Ram. He’s out quite a lot of the time and I alternate between feeling relief coz then I get the required amounts of ‘alone time’ (hmm) and jealousy coz he has more of a life than me. It always is a fucking competition for me sometimes. Maybe that’s why I feel apathetic coz I’ve slowed down the pace of my life and tried to be indifferent. Indifference kills by the way.

Chatting quite a bit to Pavs these days. Its really quite funny you know? The moment I have to leave the chat or she does, we say our byes and whatevers and then all of a sudden we feel compelled to leave a by the way or PS and the next thing you know, its 7am and we’re doing the oh-fuck-its-fucking-morning-ok-bye! It is kinda lovely to be able to talk like that. A toast to the silver lining in my not-so-fucked-up life!

I am very removed from what is happening in Colombo. I mean why would I give a fuck? I obviously mean the political killings and sky-rocketing crime rates. What can I feel or think that will be just drastically alter what is going on anyway? Absolutely nothing. So I am not gonna feel anything for something just because it is the right thing to do. I can’t be bothered anymore. But I do feel as if Minister’s sons should be straitjacketed as soon as humanly possible. Drugs should be banned, except weed of course. Alcohol should be served to people above the age of 18. And people should get into the Blue Elephant on a first come, first served basis. There is a possibility that all of these might come true except for that ridiculous comment I made about the Blue Elephant. How can that ever be the case? The Blue will always serve customers based on the amount of alcohol they will buy and those who can will always feel that their popularity with the girls is only because of their fantastic good looks/personality and absolutely nothing to do with the stuffing in their pants. The stuffing’s obviously money. Just thought I would clarify.

I’m being unnecessarily bitter, but we all need to fucking grow up. Being 24, still getting drunk three times a week, marginally employed at poppa’s office, screwing around and being a complete dick to those around you is not a fucking life. Get a clue.

Ok, so if this happens to me, please shut up about it.