Empathy can mess with your head. The act of putting yourself in someone else’s shoes-despite the presumption behind the thought-can open you to a world of frightening revelations. How can anyone feel the way I do? How can anyone be that dumb?
I know I am behaving in a way that is so typical of me but quite uncommon in its extremity. I can no longer have fun. In short, I am becoming or have already become a bore. I’m also paranoid. The reasons for paranoia are by implication something that is unfounded but let’s just say they aren’t (unfounded)….. what then? What if my friends really think of this as a problem I have invented and have heard enough of it? What if I feel the need to talk about it?
Everyone has a threshold but apparently every time I feel I have reached a new low, and that I will soon bounce back, I slide down to something that feels infinitely worse.
I’m not a pessimist but when you feel drained, exhausted, and completely beaten down, you tend to expect more and consequently expect to feel worse. Everything feels new, even though it isn’t and new isn’t necessarily good. Sometimes new means you feel the novelty of the situation again as if you have never been through it before and never learnt a lesson.
I know I am behaving in a way that is so typical of me but quite uncommon in its extremity. I can no longer have fun. In short, I am becoming or have already become a bore. I’m also paranoid. The reasons for paranoia are by implication something that is unfounded but let’s just say they aren’t (unfounded)….. what then? What if my friends really think of this as a problem I have invented and have heard enough of it? What if I feel the need to talk about it?
Everyone has a threshold but apparently every time I feel I have reached a new low, and that I will soon bounce back, I slide down to something that feels infinitely worse.
I’m not a pessimist but when you feel drained, exhausted, and completely beaten down, you tend to expect more and consequently expect to feel worse. Everything feels new, even though it isn’t and new isn’t necessarily good. Sometimes new means you feel the novelty of the situation again as if you have never been through it before and never learnt a lesson.
1 comment:
Sooner or later in life everyone discovers that perfect happiness is unrealizable, but there are few who pause to consider the antithesis that perfect unhappiness is equally unattainable. The obstacles preventing realization of both these extreme states are of the same nature; they derive from our human condition which is opposed to everything infinite. Our ever-insufficient knowledge of the future opposes it; and this is called in the one instance, hope, and in the other, uncertainity of the day.
--- Primo Levi
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