relations, chaperones and foood!

I resigned from my job last week (Friday). It wasn’t nearly as traumatizing as I thought it would be, but I did get a very bad case of the pre-jitters. It was almost like a pre-exam experience from hell. Fortunately, everything went well and if things continue to do so (go well), I should be out of my first job on the 2nd of October 2006. I never expected this to happen to me and it’s disillusioning as fuck but… like everything in life, I need to deal with it and try to move forward. Well at least that is the right thing to say to oneself anyway.

Anyway, the weekend was an interesting one. Not much in the way of actual, old-fashioned, lie-down rest but still quite relaxing. After work on Friday, met up for dinner with a few friends at Clark Quay and had a drink afterwards (notice that the all important word is being used in the singular). The classic humid, balmy, sticky Singapore heat sucked all our remaining energy out and sent us packing home. I did venture out after that for a bit, but again, the heat brought me back to my air conditioned haven.

Saturday, I got to relax till late afternoon after which I met up with my cousin (BBA freshman at NUS; woo hoo!) and another relative of mine from Bangalore. We gravitated again towards Clark Quay where we ended up having dinner at Tapas Tree. The food was bloody good. The portions were small but if you are willing to spend about 30-35 dollars on dinner, then you will enjoy the spicy and sometimes decadent food. After dinner I rushed off to a friends’ housewarming/belated birthday party. This was FUN! For a while I mingled around and spoke about working life with people I didn’t really know too well. Sigh. The Life of an Adult. All this was shot to hell because we started playing a board game called Taboo! Two hours of absolute chaos went by in a flash and the only reason we wrapped up was because the security guard wanted us out of there.

Unfortunately, my night did not end there. Hit the clubs baby! I didn’t have a very good time but a part of me did not want to go home (which has become an air-conditioned land of brooding and resentment) so I ended up partying till 4am. However, not much alcohol consumption so it wasn’t all that bad.

I wrote all this stuff above on Sunday but fell asleep before I could write about it!! So here I am, on a Monday afternoon, at work, typing out the remaining details about my weekend.

Pavs’ mother is in Singapore again for her dearest daughter’s graduation from Art School (it’s Confidential babay) and she invited us over for lunch. My lovely, acerbic flatmate, Anirudh ‘all about the innocuous hate’ Natarajan and I dragged our asses to Potong Pasir (hereinafter referred to as PP) where we were served an amazing, spicy, Indian FEAST!!!!!!! Mother’s are awesome man. So, yeah, Nishi, Pavs, Shradha, Anirudh, Shiny, Aunty Oranya (Shiny’s mater), Aunty Elder-Pavs and I had a good ‘ol spend the day at PP. After lunch, we pottered around with our full stomachs until we finally settled on Nishi’s bed where we had coffee and bitched about everything in life and one person… tee hee.

No choice lah, after that, had to go home wan. Got work tomolo wah.

new

Empathy can mess with your head. The act of putting yourself in someone else’s shoes-despite the presumption behind the thought-can open you to a world of frightening revelations. How can anyone feel the way I do? How can anyone be that dumb?

I know I am behaving in a way that is so typical of me but quite uncommon in its extremity. I can no longer have fun. In short, I am becoming or have already become a bore. I’m also paranoid. The reasons for paranoia are by implication something that is unfounded but let’s just say they aren’t (unfounded)….. what then? What if my friends really think of this as a problem I have invented and have heard enough of it? What if I feel the need to talk about it?

Everyone has a threshold but apparently every time I feel I have reached a new low, and that I will soon bounce back, I slide down to something that feels infinitely worse.

I’m not a pessimist but when you feel drained, exhausted, and completely beaten down, you tend to expect more and consequently expect to feel worse. Everything feels new, even though it isn’t and new isn’t necessarily good. Sometimes new means you feel the novelty of the situation again as if you have never been through it before and never learnt a lesson.